How To Incorrectly Fall In Love
by thehogwartsgleechick
Summary: To me, the definition of perfection is Maka Albarn. And right now, I, Soul Eater Evans, am the definition of uncool. Soul is in love with Maka and has to get his feelings out. So he writes a book. SOMA FTW, T for curses.


. . . . . . . .

Excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement. That is apparently the definition of perfect. I, however, disagree. The real definition of perfect is so much simpler, with no confusing language. And that's a good thing because cool guys like me don't have time for complicated words that some people use so incorrectly. No, small words are good. Short and to the point. And that way, there's no chance that anyone can argue that it's incorrect because it's so simple.

The real definition of perfect is Maka Albarn.

And right now the definition of un-cool guy with no guts what so ever would be me.

Soul Eater Evans.

_How to __**incorrectly**__ fall in love._

That's right, I'm writing a book. And it's called How to Incorrectly Fall in Love. I know, sappy and un-cool. Now for anyone that's ever met me, they would know that I would die before 1) reading a book 2) writing a book 3) reading/writing that instead of having something to do with "violent boy stuff" –quote by Maka- is about love and 4) writing a book about my best friend. I know that most of my friends will give me hell for this, but I honestly don't care. I need to get it out. Anyway, here's the actual story.

Part 1: Noticing She's Not Flat Chested.

One seemingly normal Saturday morning, there was a soft knock on my bedroom door. As slowly as possible, trying to adjust to the light that poured in my bedroom window, I opened my eyes. I considered standing up to open the door to see who it was. Reason for that is because if it was Blair and I was still in bed… I'd be screwed. So I slightly sat up and rubbed my eyes. My brain was slow, so the words I was thinking didn't seem to reach my mouth. The knock returned a little louder this time.

"Soul?" Maka asked in an innocent voice, "Are you there?"

"Yeah, what?" I said, still rubbing my eyes. The door creaked open and Maka's small footsteps were barely heard on the carpet.

"Do you have an extra notebook or something I could borrow?" she asked. I could hear her shuffling her feet on the carpet.

"Yeah, in the second drawer in my desk."

I looked up as she dug through my desk. She was wearing shorts and a tank top. I was really surprised, most of the time during the weekend she wore jeans and a sweatshirt. The clock said 10:30. So it could have just been because it was the morning and she had just woken up. But that's not what she wore when she slept. And her hair was down, which was different too.

"Thanks Soul!"

She turned around and started to leave my room, but stopped when I jumped up to my feet. I couldn't help it, and I wanted to stop so badly, but I just stood there, staring at her chest. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't like she went from straight A's to a designated D, but she sure as hell went up a letter. As if I wasn't already feeling bad for calling her flat chested lately. I cleared my throat and looked away, trying my best not to blush, and I think I did quite successfully.

"Soul?" She asked, giving me her one eyebrow up, one eyebrow down, head tilted to the side and hands on her hips look. "What's up?"

"Nothing, I just… uh… head." I stuttered. She tried not to laugh, that was obvious by the fact that she tried to cover her smile with her hand, "I have a headache."

"Oh." She frowned and pressed her hand to my forehead. I took a sharp breath and held it, completely focusing on the shade of green her eyes were instead of her boobs. "Well your face is hot, maybe you should go back to bed. You wanna lay on the couch or something?"

"Yeah, sure." I said, feeling my face get hotter, "I'll be right there."

Maka smiled and closed the door, leaving me alone with me, myself, and I. Once her footsteps were gone, I sat on my bed. Outside the window, I got a feeling that Spirit was watching me. But when I turned, he wasn't there. The feeling comes often because he's just that creepy and that much of a perv. Not to mention unhealthily in love with his daughter (ew, pedophile). I grabbed a tissue, feeling a sneeze coming on. But it felt weird. The tissue was covered in red. _Goddamnit_, I thought.

"Soul?" Maka knocked on the door, I jumped and slammed my head on the wall.

"_Mother fucker_!" I whispered, holding the back of my head, "Uh, yeah?"

"Do you want me to make you some soup?" she asked in her cute little voice

"Yeah, thanks."

I sat on my bed for awhile, just holding tissues to my nose. What was going on? I did _**not**_ have feelings for Maka. She was my partner! I grabbed a new tissue. I didn't really have feelings for anybody, the first un-cool thing about me. Like… ever. Maybe I could just recognize how attractive she was but not have any feelings for her. Like Blair. Wait… no… not like Blair. The feeling I had was much more… real and… embarrassing with Maka.

Whatever.

Part 2: That Warm Fuzzy Feeling She Gives You.

I walked in the door at night after coming back from BlackStar's house. Maka was sitting on the couch reading a book (like the bookworm she is). She was wearing a tank top, jeans, and socks. I took my jacket off, still looking at her. There was nothing new about her and yet she looked different. I sat down on the couch next to her and turned the TV on. Maka looked up at me with an agitated look.

"Soul, do you have to do this now?" she asked, almost begging

"Yes, it's very important." I responded, smirking. It only made her more agitated and more desperate for silence.

"Soul… I need to concentrate." She pleaded. I smirked even wider.

"Well I'll help you with that." I snatched the book out of her hands, making sure to keep the page.

Maka yelled and reached up for the book. I snickered and held it up as high up and as far away as possible. She moved closer, grabbing for the book with both hands. Eventually it was clear that she was annoyed at her failure. She crawled up onto my lap slightly, grabbing my arm and trying to bring it over. Maka's chest was dangerously close to my face then. But that's not what was really on my mind. In fact, I didn't even really notice until later on that night. But in the pit of my stomach, a tingly feeling appeared. At first it was light, but as time went on it got stronger.

"Soul." She sighed, "Come on. Please."

I took her waist and sat her on the couch next to me. Carefully folding the top corner of the page, I set the book down on the floor. Maka gave me an annoyed look. Her arms crossed against her chest, one eyebrow up, and her head tilted up ever so slightly. Though she wasn't too mad. After a minute or two of her glaring at me, she sighed and turned to the TV. And as time went on, she got closer and closer to me, but not on purpose. She just sort of slid down the couch. But eventually her hand was brushing against mine. And the feeling came back.

Part 3: The First Time Her Lips Touch Your Skin.

On a mission in Italy, I got hurt. I got hurt pretty goddamn bad. But to be honest, I was ok with it. In fact, a small part of me enjoyed the pain. Because if I hadn't changed back into weapon form at that moment, it would've been Maka that got hurt. And I would never be able to live like that. When I finally woke up in the nurses office, Maka was sitting on my bed. Her hands were tightly gripping her knees and she was staring off into space with a blank, depressed, stare.

"Maka, you ok?" I asked slowly sitting up. Her head snapped to face me and she immediately started to cry.

"Soul!" she screamed. Her arms were tightly wrapped around my neck, with a knee on either side of my waist. For a few moments, I just sat there and didn't know what to do. Then I hoped no one would walk in. "Oh thank _god_ you're ok!"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said, breathless. I gingerly hugged her back, feeling just a little but uncomfortable. But when I smelled her peppermint perfume-sprayed body against mine, I easily relaxed. "But you don't seem to be."

"Soul…" she sighed, pulling back to look at me but still tightly gripping my shoulders, "I've been feeling like shit for the past couple of days." Maka sniffled and hung her head. "I… I'm sorry Soul. I really am." I placed a finger under her chin and pulled her head up

"Maka, don't you _dare_ feel guilty." I said sternly. "I'm your weapon, and I will do anything to protect you. I mean _anything_. And I will continue to protect you until the day I die." Maka sniffled and rubbed her eye, smiling

"Soul…" she said, with a weak laugh. Maka leaned in, pressing her forehead against mine. "I'm going to feel bad for a little bit, I can promise you that. But I'll be ok as long as you will." She slowly kissed my cheek, dangerously close to my mouth.

My face burned bright red. I still held her hips and, even though I probably should have, I didn't move. And even after her lips left my skin, she still held my face in her hands and kept her face close to mine. I savored every second, though at the time I was only half sure why. Now I absolutely know why. See, the reason why I only half knew why I savored every second of it was at that moment I heard our friends walking down the hallway, close to the door. Like, really close. Close enough that I could hear Tsubaki's eye roll at BlackStar's rant. But I suppose even now it would still be a good reason to savor the moment. Maka sighed and got off me, standing up and smiling at me.

"Do you want something to eat?" she asked sweetly. And, of course, the mood was killed when BlackStar came in screaming "_**I WILL SURPASE GOD!**_" Because he is BlackStar, the killer of my dreams.

And he's going to kill me for that later.

Part 4: Missing Her Smile/Voice/Everything That's No Longer There

Yes, it's a long title, and this on is particularly specific to me. And I would just like to say that to anyone who was planning on using this as a handbook, sorry. This will only teach you how to not get laid/a date. But I appreciate you reading his far into the story. And no, this story probably won't be a happy one (obviously by the title) but I think this part will be the saddest. And it doesn't end with a cute little Maka smile. It ends with me sitting in my room alone (plot spoiler O_o). And this part will probably connect into the last one slightly. Anyway, enough explaining.

I was sitting on the couch, actually scratch that, I was _laying _on the couch watching TV. Maka came home at about 8:30 at night. When she closed the door behind her, she sighed, took her shoes off, and went into her bedroom. Things like this happened on a regular day-to-day basis. I was starting to get really worried. At first I thought it was just PMS (Note to all men: _**Never**__ ask a girl if she's PMS-ing_!), but that wasn't it. then I talked to her dad, you always know you're out of your mind when you go to talk to Spirit because talking to him is never a good idea. Anyway, here's something along the lines of how the conversation went.

"Hey Spirit." I said _extremely_ casually. He turned and glared at me

"What do you want?" he snapped. I opened my mouth to say exactly this 'I was wondering if you knew if there's something wrong with Maka, she's acting strange'. But I suppose the fact that I… opened my mouth… made him think that I was going to say something bad. "What did you do to my Maka?!" he screamed, pinning me against the wall, "You no-good womanizer, how dare you hurt her. I'm going to check on her. Don't worry Maka, daddy's cominggggggg." And with that, he ran away.

Yeah… it's never a good idea to talk to Sprit.

Anyway, I took my sweet time going home (thinking that Maka would strangle me when I did because her did could have very well told her a lie that I said something about her… which I suppose I was… not the point!). I took some detours, the specifics aren't important. But what is important is that I stopped at the bookstore to get her a book she had really been dying for. I figured that it would do one of two things. 1) Get her to stop being all sad and depressed and growing mushrooms and 2) Get her to not strangle me. But when I got home, she was sitting on the couch. Not prepared to Maka chop me (_Success_!).

"Hey Maka." I said, closing the door and standing behind her

"Hey Soul." She said quietly. Actually, no I take that back. She… whispered it. Her voice was airy and creepy; I don't know it was just weird.

"What are you doing?" I asked. I looked over her shoulder. There was no book anywhere near her (It's the apocalypse! Everybody run!). She didn't look up at me or say anything. It was like she didn't hear me. So I sat next to her and took the book out. "I got you this."

She looked over at the book. She didn't smile, nothing about her face really changed. Except for one thing. That small little twinkle in her eyes came back. It felt really good to see that light in her come back. "Thanks." She said taking it in her hands gently. For a few moments she just stared at it in her lap. "Why?" she whispered/said, not tearing her eyes away from the cover

"Why what?"

Out of the corner of her eye, she looked at me. That was another thing she rarely did, look at me. I felt like I was living with a ghost. And Blair… "Why did you get me this?"

I shrugged, "Cause you said you wanted it. So I thought I would get it for you."

Really gently, she hugged me. But it was only for like a second. The best and longest second of my life. For days, maybe a week and a half, it was like she was hollow. Or like she was made of glass. So delicate that it's placed on the highest shelf, out of everyone's reach so it doesn't break. But every once in a while, that glass vase inches closer and closer to the edge. No longer wanting to be contained. But only ever so slightly, so it's almost impossible to notice. That was Maka. And if the vase fell, I would happily clean up the pieces.

"I'm sorry." She whispered in my ear.

"Sorry for what?" she pulled back and looked at me for a moment, still not smiling. But in her eyes, I could see that if her facial expression were to change, she'd be happily crying

"I couldn't ask for a better best friend." She stood up and walked to her room, "I think I'm going to read my new book." She said just loud enough for me to hear.

I quickly turned to see if she was smiling. Sadly, I don't think she was. The glass didn't break. So she didn't need me to clean it up. But I suppose I'm ok with that, because at least she didn't fall. I sighed and went to my room. On my desk, was a notebook, one that was empty. For a while, like a really long time, I just stared at it. Then I walked over and held it, flipping through the pages. That's when I got the idea to write this book. But all I did was write to the title on the front of it. Then I laid ion my bed, and stared at the ceiling.

Part 5: Telling Someone That's Not Her

It was cold out, really cold. I would have very well taken the motorcycle, but no. I didn't want to get there fast. I wanted the cold to freeze my face and let me walk deep in though. Where was I going? Oh, good question reader. Well, I just so happened to be heading over to BlackStar's house. BlackStar, don't ask me why, is my best friend. Please don't ask… because I myself don't really know. But the guy's ok. Anyway, why was I going over to his house? What another wonderful question, wow you are really good at this. High five! I sound really stupid… whatever, Maka already knows I'm stupid. So, I was going over to his house to tell him how I was (and still am) in love with Maka. During the walk, I was debating if I should tell Tsubaki or not. She's one of Maka's best friends, so… she might tell her.

Mistake number one of that night: I told BlackStar I was coming over to talk to him.

The second I knocked on the door, it swung open and I was pulled inside. BlackStar slammed it shut and began ranting at the top of his lungs (as usual) 'What is it? What's going on? What's so important? Did something happen? Is it Maka? Is it me, I bet it is cause I'm such a huge star! HAHAHA! Right, what was I saying… oh yeah, talk to me man!'

"Whoa." I said trying not to laugh, "Take a breath in between." He rolled his eyes and sat down

"Whatever. It's just that on the phone your voice sounded so ominous and troubled." He said, getting all serious. This time, I couldn't held but laugh as I sat next to him

"I always sound like that."

"Oh _yeaaaah_." BlackStar shrugged, "Anyway, what was it that you had to tell me that was _so_ important?" I pulled at the zipper of my jacket, avoiding his glance. Now that I think about it, it's not really that much of a bad idea to tell him. I suppose the reason I was so nervous was because of the same reason anyone in my situation would have felt. I mean… I was admitting my love for Maka, _**out loud**_, for the first time ever. And it didn't matter weather it was to her or not. Never mind, I take that back. It does matter. Anyway, getting off track, "This must be some really serious shit." He said. I laughed. That's right I laughed, I have no shame (_**I REGRET NOTHING! Yes I do…**_). Reason why I laughed is because… just the way he said it.

"Yeah," I said, "This is some pretty…" I smirked and choked out the rest of the sentence, "Serious shit."

"_**TELL ME**_!" He screamed, shaking my shoulders. I pushed him off of me, still smiling a bit, but the smile faded when my body started to acknowledge what was going on. I had only just recently admitted it to myself that I love her. But now that it was going to pass my lips, it was really serious. And, to be perfectly honest, it was completely terrifying. The scariest thing I've ever done. Well… the second scariest thing ever, but I'll tell you the first later.

"_**OK FINE**_! But back the fuck up!" I shouted back. He took a step or two back and looked at me. It was clear, just by looking his face, that he knew that what I was about to say was some pretty deep shit. And, I think, that for the... third time in his life, BlackStar wasn't the most important person in the room in his eyes, and he was serious. "Ok…" I looked at the wall behind his head and took a really thorough breath. "I'm in love with Maka."

His eyes widened. Like, they shot a shit load bigger. Though he didn't yell, he didn't have a spasm, he didn't even smile. I think I was proud of him. Though I suppose part of me wanted a BlackStar-like reaction. And I suppose that's the reason I told him and not kid, my only other male friend. After awhile, I started to get nervous. He just sorta stared at me, perfectly still. I was… I don't know if scared is the right word, but defiantly freaked out. Though he did smile a bit.

"Dude, I sorta already knew that." He said, not yelled. "In fact, I think pretty much everyone knew except for you and Maka." I grabbed his shoulders really tightly, digging my nails into his skin.

"So you're telling me," I growled, with what I imagine to be one of the most intense faces I've ever made, plastered onto my face. And it was a bit obvious he was trying not to laugh, which made me more intense. "That Maka _**knows**_?!"

"No, no, that's not what I meant." He laughed and pushed me off of him

Part 6. Trying, And Failing, To Do What They Do In The Movies.

Ok, the title is a bit misleading. I don't know for sure if this ends with a huge mass of epic failing. Because I am just that cool (*sarcasm*). No, take that back. I actually am I pretty cool guy. But with Maka I tend to be… not…. as… cool… so yes, that is my life in a nutshell for you. Anyway, right now it is January 17th at 7:50 PM. Reason I say that is because the story's almost over (cue the sea of audience "aw"). I know, I know, don't cry dear readers. This one will be good. And probably a bit happier than part 4.

Anyway, in every, and I mean _**every**_ fucking romantic movie like… ever in the history of the world, the guy always does this big romantic gesture. And it is the cheesiest fucking thing in the world. But you know, good for those guys, they're definitely getting laid. No, no, I'll be serious (Serious Black (Harry Potter joke…)). Anyway, I planned out one of my own big, romantic gestures. And, if I do say so myself, it's pretty boss. Like suit, briefcase, Bluetooth always in, the whole ordeal. I'll bet you want to know what it is, am I right? Well, I'll tell you later. I just want to say a couple of things before I do.

Number 1: Maka's ok now. Well… so was never not ok, like health wise. But she's back to her normal self. Which is good because I've been missing her. A lot. And I think I know why she was so sad for a really long time. So about two weeks ago I was in her room (_Because I had to look for something!_ Goddamnit, calm down you guys…) and I found something. And no, it was not what I went into her room to look for.

It was a post-card from her mother. Now, Maka hasn't seen her mom since she was like… six. Cause she left Maka's creepy dad (who wouldn't, he's such a rapist/pedophile/duchebag?). and you know, good for her and all, but she left Maka all alone. Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing but respect for her choice to leave Spirit, but it was just the tiniest bit selfish. But I suppose if she had brought Maka I wouldn't have ever met her. So I guess I don't really care. Anyway, when Maka gets a letter from her mom, she gets sorta sad. Though I don't know why, I guess because she misses her. And the sadness about her mom and the sadness about my injury together was hell. Anyway, the only thing I wonder is why her mother never comes to Death City to visit her. However, it's none of my business. All in know is that Maka's back to her smiley, book worm, nerdy, geeky, funny, charming, cute self. And as long as she's ok, I'm ok.

Number 2: BlackStar told Kid. That's right, the little weasel told Death the Kid that I'm in love with my meister. So, it's easy to say that I hate him now. But I love Kid, in a completely professional (**A/N: LOL my teacher says that**) and heterosexual way. And the reason for that is- no, no, actually I won't just come right out and say it. I think it's time for story time with Soul Evans.

Now, BlackStar didn't tell me that he told Kid, so it was very possible that I wouldn't have known. In class, I sit in between Patty (the ditz) and Kid. And about… three days after I told BlackStar (the duchebag traitor), I could see Kid starring at me out of the corner of my eye. I tried to ignore it, thinking he was just noticing asymmetrical about me. And I did a pretty good job of not letting it get to me. But at the end of class, he was still looking at me. So I turned to him and said:

"Hey Kid."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" he said, banging his head on the desk, "I didn't ask, and I didn't really want to know, but he just told me!"

"Kid, what the hell are you talking about?" I asked. He looked at me out of the corner of his symmetrical eye

"BlackStar told me you're in love with Maka."

So I have to kill him now.

Number 3: I may need someone to bail me out of jail soon…

And that's it. So now it's time to talk about my bog, romantic gesture, I know, so exciting…

So this is the end of the book. I've pieced it together and I think it's pretty good. Though, it doesn't have a cover. It just sorta says "How To Incorrectly Fall In Love, By Soul Eater Evans" on the front. I know, I'm just that artsy and creative. I just need to think of something… whatever, I'll do that later. Ok, so here's my actual plan. Tonight, Maka's going out with Li, Patty, and Tsubaki. So while they're out I'll go into her room and put the book on her pillow and lock myself in my room because I'll be having an anxiety attack the entire time she reads it. Hopefully she'll like it.

Wish me luck, I'll need it.

**Notes from the Editor: By Maka Albarn**

Wow Soul I'm really surprised at how great you grammar/spelling was. Though maybe that's only because you typed it. To be honest… I feel really dumb right now. I never knew that you felt that way. I mean… you're really good at hiding it. And you know why the guys in romantic movie always have a big gesture, because it always works. So you took the right approach. And thank you for recognizing that I am not flat chested anymore

I love you too.


End file.
